Lunes, Enero 30, 2012

A Point Short.

Shucks! Just a point shy from being the highest scorer. QUIZ1 of my Philosophy class results have been posted online and I got 25 over 30. So dang disappointing because the highest got 26. One point short! Almost there, but not quite there yet! Geez. I studied quite okay (not hard enough, obviously) days before the quiz. Geez.

I am frustrated ('cause it's just ONE point, ONE!). Better luck.. my ass!

12:12PM Geez. Geez. Geez.
Word of the day? Go figure, geez.

Sabado, Enero 28, 2012

Copy-Paste. Snippets.

I just updated my other blog (requirement for a Personal Effectiveness class) and I feel good about my post. A snippet of my pathetic life:

"Hi! My name is.."

Introductions. My thoughts? Well, let's just say that I won't get an award for being the friendliest person alive, ever. Sigh. A few years back, I've already concluded that I'm the most introverted person I know. And I've already accepted that fact. Small talks are not really my cup of tea (I prefer coffee). Say, smacked in a room without any acquaintance, I won't talk to anybody unless needed (i.e. groupings for reports and experiments).

The Hi!-My-Name-Is part was a great deal easier than the second, and it didn't really help that I got the word 'Father,' a subject which I'm quite touchy about. I won't elaborate again, enough said last Tuesday. 'Kay? Good.

PS: I need professional help.

PPS: After the 2nd part of the introduction, when we were already discussing insights, a though came to mind: I could have not shared my father issues, so to speak, in front of strangers, but why did I? Heck, yeah, WHY did I? Million dollar question, geez.

PPPS: It also doesn't help that my day-to-day conversations are just between me and my twenty other personalities. Sigh.

"I'm stressed."

Yeah, who isn't? Suck it up! Okay, scratch that. Tough it up! There. Sounds less rude, doesn't it? Whenever I'm feeling a wee bit stressed, I do internal monologues.

For example, I need to do a hometask for a subject that I really hate. Hate is a very strong word -- deeply, deeply dislike. Again. For example, I need to do a hometask for a subject that I deeply, deeply dislike.

Excerpt
Me: Sooobrang haaasseeel, takte! [sic]
Konsensya: Hoy, ang kapal ng mukha mong magreklamo! Ang daming tao d'yan na gustong-gusto mag-aral, e, walang pambayad, tapos ikaw ilang taon ka na, may allowance ka pa araw-araw!

I really think I'm already bordering on psychotic. Seriously. Whatever. Shrug the felling and do what you gotta do.

PS: The excerpt above is a clean version. Most of the time, my internal monologues can be quite inappropriate for PERSEF3 reflection papers.

The Normal Approach

Shocker! Yes, I do normal, too: I read, I watch movies or I catch up on my series just to take my mind off the 'real stuff.' These actually take place before the bloody pep talks. 'Yung tipong, 'If all else fails, bloody pep talk na.'

"Like an inflated rubber ball, I bounce back."
Yes, there are deflated rubber balls, and they don't bounce back.

I'm a whatever happens, happens kind of person, BUT that doesn't mean that I do not try my best to not screw things up. I'm just a realistic man -- I don't get my hopes up. Okaaay, [sic] I "TRY" to not get my hopes up! Geez, why so pushy? (Operative word? Go figure.)

PS: See, I'm psychotic. See, I talk to myself. Sigh.

I do this. I do that. I fail. I sulk. I watch a movie (or an episode, or read a chapter or two). I toughen up. I suck it up. I move on. Story of my life.

Jokes aside, I can say that I'm a pretty resilient person. Persistent as grass! Smile. Just like stress, I shrug my sulkiness off and I move on (or most of the time, try again).

10:05 PM. I need to sleep. Smile.

Miyerkules, Enero 25, 2012

It becomes beautiful.


I was browsing movies online trying to decide what to download first when I stumbled upon a concept video of Lady Gaga's The Edge of Glory. And, boy, I'm telling you it's a 7-minute pure happiness. I was smiling the whole time and I can just feel my tears wanting to break-out and dance with Lady G.
"I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment of truth. I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment with you."
 I dream of having that someday -- the so-called domestic bliss (without the giving birth phase, of course). Romanticizing again? Yep. Just can't help it. Watch the video and dream with me even just for a little while :')


 

Lastly, I'd like to quote the person who posted the video because his words really touched my mushy heart:
This video is for everybody. Who has ever loved. And has been loved in return. To those that think it never does or will get better. It does. It does get better, it becomes beautiful.
6:10PM Smile.

Lunes, Enero 23, 2012

Oh, Happy Day!

This is the first time -- in my school history -- ever that Chinese New Year's declared as a Special Non-working Holiday. Yeah, our president's part Chinese, so there. Setting that idea aside, what makes me really happy is the fact that I've accomplished so many tasks today: I finished 2 papers and 1 laboratory report, and summarized the 300+ Power Point slides of my Digital Communications and Philosophy classes. Oh, Happy Day!

It's just 9:45PM; the night's still young. I can squeeze in one movie before hitting the sack, and I chose Fashion Victims 2007 (Original German title: Reine Geschmacksache) Please, don't ask the pronunciation, okay? Good.

Here's a still from the movie:


I really am a fan of German gay cinema, and I know I'll enjoy this one!

Clock flashes 9:50 PM. Later!
(My posts are lengthier versions of Tweeter tweets, dang it! But what the hell!)

Linggo, Enero 22, 2012

Yossi and Jagger

One of the most beautiful movie I've ever seen, Yossi and Jagger. I finished the film not 10 minutes ago, and it's romance to the nth power! Sigh. Now, I'm sitting on a puddle that used to be my heart. Butter under the Tuscan sun.


They hide their relationship from the eyes of their fellow soldiers, making their encounters very, very short and sweet. Very Romeo and Juliet. Ha ha! Their intimate scene together -- on the snow-covered terrain (pic above) -- is just cockle warming. It's the make-out session of my year. Now, I'm getting a bit jealous! GImme some of that! Well. Yossi is more rugged and masculine of the two, and Jagger is the beautiful and gentle one. Perfect combination. Sigh. Watch it!

11:55PM Need to sleep. Laters!

I Can't Get Enough of You.

I can ogle at your handsome face for the whole one and a half hours, and I surely wouldn't mind if we extend for another.

Okay, I'm so crushing on this prof ever since I've lain eyes on him almost 3 years ago -- Engineering Statistics, 2nd year 2nd term. Now, I'm in his Engineering Management class and I'm loving every second of it. Big grin, once again once more. He's so grrr with his sleek black short layer cropped hair, wide dark sparkling eyes, perfectly chiseled nose and pink lips that pouts very, very lightly -- the one that still does not border on gay-pout -- kissable, very. Big grin. Light complexion, the typical Asian-white (some Chinese blood, I guess). When he smiles, those teeth -- clean, white, straight and well-maintained. Grrrr! Ha ha!

We always go wild laughing out insides out every time he tries to lighten up the air by telling his silly little jokes. And every time, too, his pale face turns to the cutest shade of pink. This is a mere fantasy, I know. I think he is in his mid-forty's, and I know nothing about him except that he majored in Industrial Engineering. He has no Facebook or any social account, which so totally sucked because I can't stalk him. I have a thing for mature-looking men. (PS: Mature does not equate old, okay?!) Daddy-complex? Sigh. Yes.

I won't bore you (whoever you are) with the raging hormone details of my fantasy. The usual cheeseball stuff: cuddling, spooning, breakfasts, cooking, conversations outside cafes, walks in the park, the works. (Okay, these are lay-low hormone fantasies, but whatever!)

I'm an energized electron every time I think about seeing him agin. He's my Tuesday and Friday late afternoon delight, so to speak. Big grin. I'm very excited for Tuesday!

9:37PM I feel like watching something gay tonight! Later!

Sabado, Enero 14, 2012

Big Grin.

LABS
The second half of my first week of classes has been as exciting as watching paint dry on the wall. But I've met new friends. Okay, acquaintances, as atleast. (This blog's starting to be an online journal, but what the hell.) Since I ditched the first meeting of my 2 laboratory classes, I was groupless the day I finally attended them. Routinely, I asked my profs for help, and they were, like join the group with the least members. And so I did.

INTFILO
I'm starting to love this subject, by the way. Introduction to Philosophy. We touched Neil Gaiman's The Song of Orpheus stint in The Sandman Series. The discussion revolved around the theme: A hero isn't a hero without his quest. Next week, we'll be entering Plato's cave, and the week after next would be.. Sherlock! So, now, I started downloading the BBC series with the same title. After watching, I'll proceed with reading.

Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock Holmes (left) and Martin Freeman as Doctor John Watson (right)
 I'm really hoping they'd go Strachey-Callahan at some point. Yeah, in my dreams! But nonetheless, I still have a thing for Martin Freeman here. Ha ha!
Aside from those, something adds color to my every INTFILO class. Or someone. INTFILO is not at all a pain as I thought it would be before the term started. Big grin. There's this guy. Chuckles. Cough. Apart from his (Closeted, remember? Haven't found Narnia just yet.) being a real cutie (soo highschool), he has a British/Australian accent. I haven't heard him talk that much to really distinguish the exact accent, but those snippets of sentences were (and still are whenever I hear them in the ears of my mind) music to my ears. Insert a daydreaming sigh here. Biiiiiiig grin. Ha ha! Another thing is, his name rhymes with my nickname. Whatup?! Ha ha! Mine's just a letter off his real first name. Okay, example: Andy-Randy, Ave-Dave and Ike-Mike. Get it? Yeppers? Good! One nice'n'big grin once again. THIS IS SOOO HIGHSCHOOL, but WHATEVER! The bummy thing, though, is he's straight and he has a girlfriend. I was on my way to my building when I saw them headed the opposite direction... holding hands. That bitch! Ha ha!

Clock says 10:19 AM on a Sunday morning. Laters!

Martes, Enero 10, 2012

First Day High? Low? So-so.

I can't really update this blog every single day because I'm cut from the rest of the world every Mon-Tue and Thur-Fri -- yeppers, I've no internet connection when I'm staying at my place near school. I know, there are lots of internet cafes around our building (school's, like, 2 blocks away) but I'm lazy and I don't really wanna go down and pay 15 bucks for an hour. Nope, I'm not stingy; I'm just "careful" when it comes to my expenses.

Moving on, my first day.. Zzz.. Oh-oh, okay ,okay, focus. My first day is.. so-so. Okay. I only have 2 subjects every Mon: 2:40 to 4:10 (slow people, it's in the afternoon, okay?) Digital Communications Theory and 4:20 to 5:50's my Transmission of Signals class. My morning to noon consisted of reading, sweating, eating while watching, cleaning and more reading. Being alone (again) in my studio-type room makes me feel liberated -- I can go commando under my topless pj's and I can walk around parading my bare ass. (Although I never do the latter at all 'cause I easily get cold.) My prof and his endless jargon, made my poles palpitate. Comms, really, is more of an objective course. Technical terms bombardment festival. *confetti!* Haha! After DigComm along with a 10-minute breather, 180-degree head turn and a classroom transfer, I said hello to SigTran. This, on the other hand, is a formula-based class. Problems, solutions, formulas, Math. The second subject passed by in a bliss just like my non-existent love for math, and I'm back to my so-called second home.

1:03 PM Jan 11, 2012
I need to check-up on my mom and see if she needs help with the clothes. Yep, I do that!

My NBI Experience: I rented a pair of grey slacks. On the Spot. (cont'd.)

My tomorrow came five days after, ain't it?! Where was I?

Okay, I cut the line yadda yadda. To cut the long story short, in between falling in queues here and there, I got my ID (school) verified, then paid the processing fee at the cashier, off to the data encryption at the second  floor and lastly, had my picture and fingerprints taken at the 3rd level. Oops, I forgot the printing. Yep, after approximately 3 hours, I already have my NBI clearance. Yey!

Next post? Why not.

Biyernes, Enero 6, 2012

My NBI Experience: I rented a pair of grey slacks. On the Spot.

So my mom and I went to NBI (National Bureau of Investigation) to get our clearances today, and boy were the lines lengthy. I wasn't able to post something last night because I need to get up early -- 3 AM, to be exact. I tried getting me z's as early as 8:45 PM, but failed. After an hour or so of staring at my ceiling, I concluded that it was a losing battle.

So I decided to flick my light switch on and, get my book and continue reading Northanger Abbey.

http://www.harpercollins.co.uk/Titles/56391/northanger-abbey-jane-austen-9780007368600
I won't bore you with the details (as if you're not yet bored enough of my life, or lack thereof) so Google the synopsis. An blissful hour passed by and my eyes got a little itchy already, so I turned off my light and tried to sleep, but with no luck, I just inhaled-exhaled-turned left-turned right for another half hour. Again, I flicked my light switch on and resume my reading until 12:30 AM the next day. At around 12:20, my eye lids were already droopy, and after a few more minutes, I shut my light off and, alas! slept.

2 in the morning, my alarm protested like hell and I was on the verge of throwing my phone when I got a hold of myself and decided to shrug my piss off and just snooze it for another 10. So I did. I slept like a dead man that I was just awoken by my mom's knocking on the door. The 2:10 AM alarm was.. did it really alarm? Oh, well.

We arrived at the NBI complex around ten to 6 in the morning and what shocked me was the fact that more or less 200 people were already in line. The queue for the men and the women were separate and are located outside the building, about a hundred plus females were allowed to enter 5 minutes after my mom and I settled in our designated places. Fortunately, though, she was among the first 100+ women allowed inside. She constantly checked on me, and I was quite embarrassed, because shed go outside of the building to ask me this and ask me that. (And the fact that I forgot my phone did not help.)

I was sitting pretty on my green plastic chair when I saw her approaching, and was horrified with what she asked me to do. She told me to go outside and rent long pants from the vendors outside the NBI complex because shorts are not allowed inside the building. Talk about unhygienic! But then I sucked my eeew up and put on a pair of light grey slacks just to get this over with. Silver lining: I was wearing my dark brown Sanuk. And, honestly, my white shirt, grey pants and brown shoes ensemble wasn't THAT bad. After that, she took me inside the building, let me sit on the chair parallel to her line (where the males were) and acted like nothing happened. Yeah, I cut the line, and in my head, I was, like, Whoa! What the hell?!.. Okay, whatever -- and acted like nothing happened.

Continuation tomorrow, I'm already sleepy.
11:16 PM. Sleep tight!

Miyerkules, Enero 4, 2012

Chicken Poop.

So I'm watching Jerry Maguire...
 Again, got to IMDB for the synopsis. Ha ha ha!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116695/
well, it's paused at 8 minutes 4 seconds, and the protagonist's mission statement (not a memo, a mission statement) has just been finished. The things we think and do not say. I can relate to it to some extent. I mean, before, I keep things to myself. I have no friend to talk to, and I can't exactly confide to my parents and sister the things that I have gone and still am going through. I don't know why, but I just know that I can't. Okay.. fine.. I know the reason: I'm brave, but I'm chicken sh*t. (Hands in My Pocket - Alanis Morissette)

But what the heck!

Moving on, I now keep a blog that nobody knows of. (ain't it a notch higher than chicken sh*t -- baby steps, people, baby steps) I can say things in here that I can't exactly express in person. Hell, I can rant about my immature nonsense and vent my romantic touchy-feely frustrations for the whole world to see. Perk is my soiled clothes' won't be thrown back at me.

Oh, I'm gonna chase my train of thought back!
It's 5:06 PM and I need coffee. Bye :)

Martes, Enero 3, 2012

Silver Lining.

January 3 is kind of a sad day for me. Just like every single morning at home, this day started with my usual dose of instant coffee. A tumbler-ful of not-so steaming creamed espresso. At around, I don't know, 9:10 in the morning perhaps, my mom delivered the 'freshest' news about my cousin: that she had failed four subjects last term and would be commuting from now on.

For six months, two terms, we've been sharing a studio-type unit located near the university we're attending. I can't exactly say that living with her was a breeze because it's not. So damn not. I mean, she can be quite insensitive: at first she sometimes lets her friends inside only when I'm not there, but the longer her stay becomes, the more frequent this occurs. It also reached to the point where she ignores me and lets people come inside even if I'm still there. Privacy is a big thing for me. I told her that this ticks me off, but she won't budge. I've also asked the help of my parents and uncles for them to talk to her about this thing, but -- shocker -- nothing happened.

Okay, getting back, she's still a freshman and failing four subjects as early as the second term speaks of something. I can't exactly say that she's worthy of the third chance our aunt's giving her this term, she flunked one the term before last (meaning: first term), and now these. Backgrounder: her mom passed away when she was little while her dad's taken a leave off being useful these days, so our dads' sister pays for her school. Mind you, we go to a prominent university and the tuition costs an arm and a leg. I guess, she partied a little bit too much and forgot her responsibilities. I've seen her tipsy-to-wasted transition pics, too, which are disturbing.

The third chance. She was pulled out from our unit and forced to commute everyday with them hoping that she'd learn her lesson. Travel time is at least 2 hours, with moderate to bordering on heavy traffic, from their house to school. Apart from the fact that she's gonna go under strict observation this term, the silver lining, especially for me, is I'm flying solo in the unit for at least a term before she's put back in.

I'm not a douche, swear! I'm just stating a fact.
Goodnight!

Lunes, Enero 2, 2012

Finding Mr. R.. yeah, whatever!

A bitter little pill, that's what I am. *cue Welcome to My Life*
So I am in the middle of watching Finding Mr. Wright right now. Paused? Yes. Again? Yes. No life? Yes. Shocker! My eyes were glued to my laptop screen while busying my arms with a pair of dumbbells, when my neurons decided to fart simultaneously.

By the way, I won't be explaining the plot. I'm lazy like that and what is IMDB for?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1619281/
As my last post concluded: Uh-huh, that I am a romantic suck-ass, romantic goggles came to mind. Rings a bell? Well, I've first heard it on How I Met Your Mother. Romantic goggles are kind of like graduation goggles, as Robin explained. The latter's due to the feeling one gets when he's about to part with something that he thoroughly detested. That sigh of relief that you do when you've already done the 5 and 1/2 pages of the 6-page reflection paper. That feeling that makes you think, half a page is a piece o'cake, gimme 5 minutes and I'll burn you, b*tch! Romantic goggles blur your vision. They make you see things in a shining shimmering glittering way (a relationship's honeymoon stage, for example) that gives you the faux assurance that nothing bad's gonna happen.

Te scary thing, though, is the time when one needs to remove the glasses. Removing them, sometimes, freak people out. And it's something that I am afraid of. I am so in love with the notion of falling in love and walks in the park while holding hands with the man that I adore and so on that maybe I won't be able to handle the shattered glass.

Sooooooo.. what I am going to do now is torment myself with thoughts like these and cross the bridge when I get there. What's that saying again, why do I keep on hitting my head with a hammer because it feels so damn good and I am a masochist. Nope, I am not. Ha ha ha!

11:38 PM. 2012. Whew, 2-0-1-2?! Still can't believe.
Oh, well. Goodnight!

Linggo, Enero 1, 2012

Teen Dramas are Depressing.

So I am watching Edge of Seventeen right now (and, yes, it is paused yet again) and some stale gas exhaustion occurred. Basically, Edge of Seventeen is about a teeny boy's exploration of his new-found orientation. Sounds like a cliche? Well, to tell you the truth, I think this film started 'the' highschool-gay-boy-thing cliche. Seriously.

I am turning 21 this year, and I am so f-ing frustrated. Well, I haven't had any relationship in the past, for starters. Nothing, Nada. Nil. And secondly, watching movies and tv series with teen life centered plots does not help. Does not help at all. Slash wrist moments? Haha!

Yes, I am envious. Big time. People younger than me have had relationships: at least three at before reaching eighteen. And I am here: 20, alone, and inside my room pummeling my skull with romance hammers. Yeah, fifty romance hammers had sex with my skull, and it's freakin' exhausting. But I just can't stop. I am a sucker for those heart twitching moments that makes you 'ahhh' after the guy confesses to the gir.. other guy. (Yehess, I'm a homo, brotha!) What the heck, I live for romance, and I know: romance is dangerous to your health.


Whenever I see those couples (round 17 to 25 years old) in my downloaded movie/series files, I can't stop myself from thinking that someday, my time'll come. Pathetic. I know. I damn well know.

Okay, my flatulence has passed and I need to finish my movie because I'm kinda sleepy. Clock says 12:11 AM. Yeah, my fluttering eyelids are no surprise at all.

Good morning!